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I’ve been thinking of writing about my car for a long time. We have quite the tumultuous relationship and we’ve been together leaps and bounds longer then I’ve been with any boy. She’s moved me from Penn Valley to Santa Barbara and back and forth and then up to Seattle and all around the Pacific North West. Since her 21st birthday she really doesn’t make it out of the city limits anymore and her freeway skills have diminished and frankly, I just don’t trust her. But I do love her and this letter/ode to my one and only mobile is long over due.
The Silver Bullet/Volvonator/Volvster/My One True Love/Bertha the Bitch
There, doesn’t she look good covered in snow? Speaking of snow, though she’s from Sweden she does not care for the cold. Every December for the past 5 years she promptly breaks down leaving me car-less for a month or 6 since I am usually too broke and lazy to get her fixed. Once the days turn cold I really and pleased and surprised every time she starts up. So far she keeps on truckin’, but it’s only a matter of time and since it did start to snow today, tomorrow will probably be the perfect day for a break down.
These days I overlook all of the cosmetic quirks and most of the mechanical ones. One of her most delightful attributes is that she mysteriously (i.e. I’ve never had it checked out) leaks. Five winters ago I got home from New York City and there was a big, mouldy puddle on the floor of the passengers seat behind the driver. My dad sopped and bleached that out, but every watery season since she always gets damp. Last winter I ripped out most of the carpet and duct taped the sun roof. That helped with the ceiling dripping on to my lap, but there’s still the matter with the now verifiable puddle on the floor of the back seat. Oh well, maybe it will rust through and create a drainage hole?
Another delight is that the heater only starts to work once I’ve gotten to my destination, and sometimes not even then if the drive is less then 30 minutes, so basically all my drives… The light behind the dash went out earlier in the year. I took her to the car wash about a year and a half ago and that snapped off the antennae, so no more KEXP. Only 2 of the 3 middle seat belts stay clipped in. The passenger window no longer rolls up or down. There is one last hubcap hanging on for dear life. Oh yeah, some punk also hit her whilst she was parked the other day and took out all the back left lights.
She has been most handy in all of my moves since she fits ANYTHING in her cavernous recesses, thought damp they may be. Double bed? No problem, just strap it on. Couch? Again, if I can life it I can fit it. Bicycles, oddly shaped boxes and suitcases and the people that go with them? Anytime. I also love that it costs about $50 to insure her. I also love that the seat heaters still work. I guess all I really need is a warm bum and an umbrella and maybe a flashlight?
Oh the days of innocence and freeway cruising. Note that there is little visible rust, that the Volvonator has all 4 hubcaps, an antenna, a lambswool steering wheel cover and that I’m about 20 pounds lighter. I guess we all gather a little extra baggage as we age, or in the Volvo’s case we get puddles on the inside.
